Turning the Volume Down

The Square Mile

 

Yesterday I took a walk through the City of London after perhaps a few years of being in Hong Kong. I went from Moorgate station, through Bank, to London Bridge where I used to work. I passed the Bank of England, and various other prominent financial institutions. I’d walked the same path hundreds of times, over many years, but this time it was very different. I recalled being at University and the reality of getting a job hitting home and being very disappointed that University life would end and I would need to enter a place that so many people complained about. A monotonous routine, horrendous rush hour commutes, bad bosses, and many more factors that played into stressful years in the City that accumulate to leave you less fit, fried out, but keeping holding on financially, with perhaps a few nice holidays and a supported family. Everyone is in the same game. What was the difference between my walk through the Square Mile in London 8 years ago, as opposed to now? Well, I have worked somewhere else for a substantial chunk of time, done things I hadn’t done before and wasn’t planning to do which take a substantial engagement of time and energy. Those are big factors; what you prioritise in life, will be the source of pleasure or distress.

 

 

The Volume

 

I’ve got into a routine of watching the UFC Mixed Martial Arts events on TV every two weeks or so. They’re usually in the US on Saturday nights, meaning they’re aired in Hong Kong on Sunday mornings. It’s a nice time to tune in as Sunday morning is typically a time for rest. There are so many fights on the fight card typically, and sometimes it takes hours and hours to reach the main fight, sometimes the entire morning and past lunch time. So after watching a few times like this with my undivided attention, I thought I could be doing other things at the same time, or tune in and out of fights whilst sorting things out in the house. Every time I’d tune out to do something else, the commentators would get excited, so I’d rush back to the television, and it would usually turn out to be nothing too exciting, so I’d go back to what I was doing, with a little frustration that I stopped what I did. After this happening many times, I thought about what it was which was making me tune in again. It was the commentary, the hype. So I thought, when am doing something else, let me turn the volume down as this is what’s really attracting me back to the TV, and more than half the time it’s pointless. Ok, I may miss a few good moments in a fight, but I end up completing my other tasks, and then tuning back in for the main fight card with my undivided attention, which am more than happy with on a Sunday morning. I then experimented further. Even on the main fight, there was definitely a correlation between my level of interest, and the volume of the TV. Even in the most exciting of fights, if I turned it down, I noticed I was less interested in what was going to happen. I experimented with the same thing when watching the penalty shootouts in the World Cup recently, for me it had the same effect; I was less ‘affected’ when the volume was down. We are what we put into our heads, and one of those things is sound, vibrations. If we control the things that enter our system, we can control the extent to which we’re affected by things.

 

 

It's all still the same, you don't have to be

 

Did I feel more relaxed walking through London after having spent a solid amount of time in another country? Yes, without a doubt. Why was this so? Nelson Mandela once said, “There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” The bosses are still mostly around. The hectic rummaging is still there. The transport hasn’t changed much. Almost everything is the same, except I’ve turned the volume down. I have seen a little more now, I’ve done a few more things, and therefore I see those same streets now as a bunch of old buildings with people hustling around doing the same thing they were doing ten years ago, except looking a little older. Previously it was everything to me, to my friends, my colleagues, it was life dominating. You’re surrounded by it, it was the priority. The volume was turned up really high on working at a prestigious place, making money, and showing that you are. Now it’s quite simply not. Does this attitude stop you from engaging effectively with it? Absolutely not. Some of the most competent and inspiring leaders, I can now see, have always had this kind of attitude, and yet they’ve engaged with the corporate world so well and in such a balanced way. Others have not. It’s our choice what we be, how high we put the volume, how much we’re affected, how we treat others, and ultimately we choose what we want our destiny to be by deciding what we feed ourselves with.

 
"For human society, constantly thinking of how to earn money and apply it for sense gratification brings about the destruction of everyone’s interests."

Sanat Kumara to King Prthu, Srimad Bhagavatam 4.22.33

 

At What Cost?

Che Diavolo???

We were reminded at work that any gambling we may engage in between teams and people as the Football World Cup approaches, must be approved by the Compliance Officer. It made me smirk as I recalled how we would go to the bookies every lunch and put money on various combinations of results. A combination of likely and a few unlikely results happening would win you a reasonable amount of money. But, sometimes large accumulations would fall through by one result failing. The taste of disappointment in this after it happened a few times in a row would make you want to win the small amount of money you’ve staked, back. How to do this? Well, one way is to take an event that’s extremely likely and almost imminent, and put lots of money on it. 9 times out of 10 it will pull through; the Dominican Republic don’t come back to beat Brazil from being 2-0 down with 5 minutes to go – not very low likelihood, and if you stake enough, you will get something reasonable back. Since the odds are very high, your winnings wouldn’t be great, but at least we’d make back what we lost earlier; or so, as ‘youngsters’ we thought we would. We needed to recover £25. Italy, who had the most water tight defence in the world, had not conceded a single goal in the 2002 Japan and South Korea World Cup of 2002, all the way to the semi-final of the tournament, and were playing again South Korea. There were 15 minutes left, and Italy were, in their usual fashion, winning 1-0. It seemed sure as anything that they would not concede. Me and my friend went to the counter, put down £200, which would win us back the £25 we had earlier lost. I don’t particularly like explaining what happened next. Yes, the Koreans went up full steam, in came a cross, and somehow their striker rose above Paolo Maldini, one of the best defenders in the history of football, and scored! We lost the money, and were pretty disappointed to say the least. Never had our eyes opened wider in disbelief. We then decided we would never stake more than £1 on a particular sequence. Within a few days we won what we had lost. We evaluated how we felt about the sport, and about this gambling. We had initial started to put money on the football because we had quite a genuine interest in it, and thought it would be fun to make some predictions, it would add some excitement. When watching the Italy game however, we didn’t care about how amazing Paolo Maldini’s last ditch tackle was, or Park’s goal was. All we cared about was our money! We didn’t care about the process, we cared about the result.

If we analyse further, the £200 investment yielded nothing. The few £’s investment yielded over £200. Life is like this. Sometimes so much is invested into big things. These seem like the most important.

The Chopper

The sound of the chopper as it gets closer becomes clearer and clearer to everyone; there is anticipation to see who comes in. Eventually, and a elderly but polished looking figure enters with a lady. They are escorted by three people to their table and offered towels to refresh themselves from the journey. They're then served several rounds of refreshments and starters, followed by over a dozen gourmet delicacies along with the finest spirits. A weary, pale figure, knowing he is safe, relaxes in the comforts of the shelter he has taken; it is clear in his eyes. Thousands and thousands of Hong Kong dollars is simply no issue for the momentary peace afforded. What was the real cost of this enjoyment?

The young banker enjoys his night out with the lads, with scores of beautiful women from all over Asia surrounding them. Their toned bodies, tailored for enjoyment; they seem like they can forget whatever else they did during the day and just enjoy. Then as the planes depart for the weekend holiday, anticipation is in the air once again. The excitement of getting away boils. What is the real cost of this enjoyment?

Meanwhile, back in the dojo, the students line up, bow multiple times to pay their respects to the dojo, to the sensei, and to each other. There is a brotherly spirit, and the cost is minimal. Repetition of technique, again and again and again. Improvisation of the same technique, in different situations with different people brings a deeper satisfaction to one. What is the cost of this feeling?

Small everyday deeds

What does a set of martial arts classes for a year cost in comparison with a few holidays? What do they return? What is the longevity of the return? Now am not saying stop going on holiday! They're also fun and such rejevenation is important sometimes. But on the whole we certainly overinvest mentally, emotionally, and financially in things that have a very futile return, and underinvest in those things that have deeper, long lasting returns. If we live consciously of this, then in our work and outside dealings we will feel a greater deal of satisfaction, which will make us simultaneously happy and sober.  

As for the gentleman in the Michelin 3 star restaurant arriving by helicopter, what was the cost? From his eyes, it looked like a life-long stress in a business or something. Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it was a few lucky breaks, or an inheritance, who knows? Whatever the cause, you could see he was able to release his stress or anxiety in the restaurant not being around people except his lady. For the bankers, they have to work all hours, in a cut-throat environment, all day to sustain their routine and lifestyle. For the martial arts students however, it is daily increments of effort, of discipline which remove them mentally from all the things of this world, teach them to respect and to be humble, and to be determined. It costs a fraction of the price of the things mentioned above in many respects. What purchasable things do you need to practise martial arts? For Bruce Lee, it was hardly anything. For Tony Jaa, it was hardly anything. The important things in life, which can make us happier in a deeper way centre around good values and principles, and good values and principles do not cost anything. They’re free. Simple-heartedness is a rare virtue in many places, but is most endearing. Warren Buffet is simple hearted, and I don’t think he’d trade that mindset for any amount of money; he doesn’t need to.

A balanced life is very important, and we should absolutely make sure we are doing what we and our families need, but also the education that it’s not the £200 stakes that take all our resources that make us rich, it is the small things, the little things, but infused with goodness, which make us truly rich in life.

Galadriel: Why the Halfling?

Gandalf: I do not know. Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay, small acts of kindness and love.

 

 

They Want to be Told What to Do!

We often think we are able to guide ourselves sufficiently well, though many experiences in a huge range of fields show there's much to be said about being instructed, being told what to do. Whilst we need a balance between own judgement and instruction, in a world that is moving toward doing what you want, how you want it, we need to reassess how helpful instruction can be.
 

“They want to be told what to do!”

 

"They want to be told what to do!", said His Holiness Rtadvaja Maharaj to me, after I explained to him the lack of discipline with children these days. When showing some of the kids in our martial arts class a set of core exercises, I personally found it frustrating to deal with when I didn't see anywhere near level of discipline we had when we were kids neither in terms of perseverance nor behaviour. Rtadvaja Maharaj had extensive experience dealing with children in the US, in raising them with cultural values, spiritual values, respect and self sufficiency. He explained to me how he facilitated their taking taekwondo and judo lessons and how house rules and etiquette were pivotal to everything in their development. He explained how many of them come to him now as adults and thank him for such discipline at the time. After this conversation I kept in mind what he had instructed, that the kids, they actually want to be told what to do! This seemed totally against what I thought. Every time I told them what to do, it seemed they didn’t have the perseverance to follow it, or somehow preferred to do their own thing, their own incorrect adaptation. This had led me to change tact. I thought, ok it’s a new generation of kids, their lifestyles are different, maybe I need to be more accommodating. So over time I had either gone on one extreme or another; being either too lenient, or too strict. This was because no one had, with real conviction, confirmed what style works in that context and what doesn’t. So with Maharaj’s advice, I adjusted the style to put discipline and house rules back in the centre. Instead of saying "Hey, you just missed 5 repetitions, go to the side of the room and do double the number!" but rather "Do 20 additional repetitions as it's a house rule we all must follow so we improve our discipline." A somewhat small change in the context of a crazy room of kids who are falling over each other, but one that would prove effective over time. After a few months, I thought I'd try a different technique. I had been trying to work on some explosiveness, which wasn’t so strong. If you imagine sitting on the floor with your knees and shins flat on the ground with your feet tucked behind, and your back straight, from this position, the technique involved getting up onto both feet in a single motion. It's not only a test of explosive power but also the mental orientation. Your mind must be convinced, or trust the fact that you will thrust up in one motion. So as we were all about to cool down I said. what I'll do next I want you guys to do it. I demonstrated the thrust technique and stood up on both feet in one motion to a set of faces which had the expression "Oh, that looks cool, but I don't think I can do it." I explained that more than half of the challenge is mental for you, as you have sufficient physical capacity to do it, put your minds to it imagining what you'll do, and your body will follow, trust me. The kids got to their start positions, and within a few seconds, to my surprise, almost all of the ten or so children were able to do it. Although not showing my surprise, I was overwhelmed at how they trusted the instruction, and most of them we're able to get up, some of them with some real explosiveness! What a pleasure to see. They went to their parents and friends after class and also to their surprise, showed what they could do. Parents and children were happy and this created a kind of buzz, a kind of energy, I had not experienced there before. I believe instruction, discipline, and direction that Maharaj spoke of, had eventually led to this trust, and that trust had led to results that were otherwise impossible.

 

Unconstructive Creativity

I was invited to speak at a conference consisting of the banking community this week. One gentleman reflected, that bankers should respect and appreciate the openness of the Asian regulators in having open dialogue with the community they are regulating. It was a sensible point I thought. I expected most to agree with this, however, another gentleman, shared a contrary opinion. He said that when the banking community has been left to it’s own accord, it has resulted in overly complex, tedious, and mis-focussed dialogues, where 90% of the time has been spent discussing 10% of the issues. He said that we can become too creative, which has proven to lead to further complications. I was astonished to hear this from people who have the image that they think they know everything and are God’s gifts to everyone else. He rounded off by saying, sometimes we need to be told in black and white, what to use, and what to do. Remembering Rtadvaja Maharaj’s guidance on the kids wanting to be told what to do and the results that followed from this, it drew a clear parallel. When trying to get a huge, global community who are super high tempo, to reduce systemic risk, and increase transparency, how is it possible to achieve this without having certain common standards being set? In the beginning of regulatory change nobody wants to be told what to do, but after being given time and space it is realised that there is a need to set the standard in certain areas. From a legal standpoint, if there is not a consistent set of rules across jurisdictions, there may be market arbitrage. From a technical standpoint if there are not standards in place, things simply won't operate. From a process perspective if there are not consistent standards, there may not be transferability. We need to be told what to do, otherwise we can become what I’d call “unconstructively creative.”

 

Does this mean anything for us from a personal and also leadership perspective? Social media has effectively set an even playing field in one sense, for everyone irrespective of age, social status, geography etc. Justin Bieber has a Twitter account, and so do I, so do some of my cousins in India who live in rural villages, so do my uncles who are pushing 60. It’s changed certain aspects of the way we live, the way we share, the way we interact. The temptation is therefore there to view everyone as equal. The previous generations in their time never had these technologies, they used to interact in person face to face, most the time. In light of this new way, if we throw away values of respecting elders who have more experience, benevolence, and a desire to help the future generations, this may represent some of this 'unconstructive creativity'. If we don’t understand the principle of taking guidance, and we become more self-centred, and do not come to this realisation on our own accords, there will come a point where in the depth of our existence, we will hunger to be told what to do.

Respect & Relationship

Once upon a time, the great royal guru Drona was about to storm out after prince Duryodhana insulted him in front of the entire royal assembly. “A teacher who is not respected by the student, has no future there!” Without respect, there is no sustenance. If having differences leads to disrespect, slowly things will crumble, be it in an organisation or in a relationship. The dynamic of respect is worth understanding if we want to make our working and personal relationships deeper and have longevity. There are some principles which must be upheld for this to work.

 

 Hierarchy of Respect

Respect must be mutual. It is not possible for one person to respect the other for a prolonged period of time without feeling some level of resentment or anger, unless of course the person has mastered tolerance. If like most of us, they have a tolerance threshold, this will not last. If one was to be very calculating, one may think there are three possibilities with respect to respect. You may respect the other person more than they respect you. The other person may respect you more than you respect them. Or, you may have equal respect for each other. But in reality it isn't so simple is it? The balance changes, often by day. It is very important to understand that respect does not mean, you just believe that person is greater than you. There are many different levels of respect, almost like a hierarchy. At the most basic level, it means you acknowledge the person. Once I was in a situation where a person walked into a room and talked about another person in the room and referred to him as a third person “Is he coming?” Without acknowledging his name, in a rash tone, he referenced this person. So acknowledging a person, personally, is a basic level of respect. The next level is to appreciate the person’s good qualities. I appreciate Cristiano Ronaldo’s football abilities for example, therefore I have a certain level of respect for him that is beyond just recognizing his existence. Thirdly it means we adjust what we are doing for that person i.e. we will make time in our schedule for that person, or to do work they may want us to do. Fourthly, it means we are sensitive to that persons feelings – we don’t behave in a rash way unnecessarily out of our own mood swings carelessly. This shows deeper respect. When we think about our behaviour before acting, this can be deeper a sign of respect. We can recognize a person, value their greatness, and even adapt our lives to do what they want, but we may not be sensitive to their feelings at a deep level. For most of us, this is our relationship with our bosses at work. We do what they say, we certainly recognize they are our boss, but, we may not really care how they feel. With our partners at home, or our parents for example, the last principle is also likely to hold. This is because it becomes more personal. Respect means personal. Lack of complete respect means impersonal.  

Lamborghini Mentality

I walked into the reception of the building in my exercise gear, some of which quite frankly isn’t so new! I wanted to pay for my monthly rent. I approach the lady and said “Good morning”. She replied with, “Can I see your card please?” I hustled into my pocket and showed her my access card. “Good Morning Sir, please take a seat, how may I help you?” Suddenly I’d become Sir! Was it the first time? Absolutely not. Many times air stewards have addressed me and then realised I had a higher tier seat and then changed their way of interaction completely on its head. The former Chief Executive of IBM was once not allowed into his own building as he forgot his pass until he proved who he was. One friend said to me recently, “Why do we have to do something so impressive in order to be respected?” It made me think of what warrants respect in our world. A chicken in the hand is worth two in the bush as the old saying goes. What we have immediately is worth more than what we can ‘potentially’ have. So many people I know missed out on dormant potential. On the other hand so many people I know went on to exceed what one may imagine was their potential in life. When it comes to respect, what is respected, and what is respectable? Once again, there is a hierarchy. If I turn up at Niagra Falls and expect to be respected because I think I own it, I would be laughed at if anyone found out this is what I was thinking. I recall in London on a Saturday night, people would drive Lamborghini’s near Leicester Square and almost everybody could hear the engine, and would look to see who owns it. It commands a certain level of respect. However, we are not the car. It is almost a statement to say “I am as cool as my car”. But you aren’t the car. My point not being, don’t have a desire to have a Lamborghini, but that our belongings are not us, nor can they ever be part of us. Our body however, is more closely linked with us. We see many people showboating their bodies. It is the same tendency as the Lamborghini mentality. Look at me. After a certain amount of experience in life, a careful thinker will move up this hierarchy. Indeed many people who spend their life trying to own things and extend belongings, end up realising they should take care of their closest belonging; their body! One friend who is also from London who moved to China many years back and was a Karate practitioner who went all over the world to fight, explained how he now does yoga. After mastering the body, it’s flexibility, focus, and literally holding very tough positions for hours in the mornings, he explained to me that he realised that it’s also not about the body. That we are beyond the body. At this stage we can be at peace, we understand we cannot own things, we understand we are also not the body. We understand that our constitutional position is something different to meeting needs and commanding respect. This is where real dynamism and freedom kick in. It is where we can genuinely offer respect to others for things beyond what they supposedly own. The more we see the things around us all day in this context, the more we will be able to have an untainted view of the world.

“Full knowledge means that the jīva-ātmā, the living entity, must know both his position and the Supreme's position. That is full knowledge.” Srila Prabhupada, Srimad Bhagawatam 4.20.7 purport

 

&

Prada (Want) vs 7/11 (Need)

No more Queuing Up
It was a bright summer morning as the queue formed outside our apartment for the morning shuttle bus to get into Central. Although only a 30 minute journey, the queue is typically half of that duration. As the bus engine turns on, a neatly dressed lady runs to the queue in a frantic hurry and through a rude shrug, asks the less well clad lady standing at the front of the queue to be on her way. They swapped positions and it was clear that they lady now in the queue had made her maid wait in the queue so it would save her some time in doing whatever else she was doing. To my surprise, cooking, taking care of kids, cleaning, and now even waiting in queues can now be looked after by the maid. Finishing off putting her make up on, she got on the bus and quickly applied her nail polish. Chanel, Gucci and Prada were amongst the brands in her attire as they are with many who live the good life in and around my area. Thinking not too much of the situation except the fact maids can also be made to queue up for you, I went on with my day.

7/11 to the Rescue

After a few days of strong heat, it is normal for bursts of heavy rain to follow. This time there wasn't a very long queue for the bus, and the same lady who I had seen replace her maid sat next to me. We looked at the rain pour down, and as we arrived at the stop, from which there is a 30 odd meter non-sheltered walk, the lady realised she hadn't taken her umbrella. After some rummaging through the handbag she was sure she hadn't taken it. The Gucci, Prada and Chanel pieces were ever-present, even in the rain, but the umbrella wasn't. I was on the way to boxing, and the total value of my clothing and everything in my bag was probably somewhere close to the value of this ladies make-up. Although the way this lady put herself across was as though she was extremely self-sufficient, she looked toward the umbrella I was holding. I had bought the umbrella from 7/11 for no more than £3. She looked at me in quite a look of desperation, asked if she could walk under my umbrella with me to the station for those 30 meters. I said sure that's ok. I had such little, she had so much. Yet I had one of the few things that was needed in this situation. It is important to caveat that in and of itself, I don't believe it's a negative thing to have many brands or even having a maid queue for you for the bus, however the context and understanding of wants vs needs, is important. His Holiness Bhakti Rasamrita Swami, mentioned on his recent trip to the UK that we should at no cost 'outsource our consciousness.' This perfectly summed up what this situation made me more aware of, and it's implications in the way we live and the way we work, are big.



Remember the Umbrella

In prioritising what we have on our to do lists, a practise I've got used to doing lately is setting the must haves verses the optionals. The danger is, as life gets busy, that things which bring us immediate gains are prioritised over long term tasks. Relationships will bring us long term success, not administrative tasks, so seeing these as musts is important. Administrative tasks will keep us out of trouble yes and they also must be done, but we often forget the 'umbrella-like' tasks which we don't need on the way to the bus stop, but we will find we need once we get off. To view this principle of relationships even more holistically, we should never use relationships for personal materialistic gains. Because if this is our motive, we will be not find a deep level of satisfaction since purely materially driven pursuits are tinged with fear and worry. Fear of the competition outdoing you, fear of cost or depletion of resources, fear of not achieving what you wanted to get. We should not forget that people are people, not just a means to an end. If we view the relationship in this way, we will tend to deal with integrity and not with exploitation, and people will tend to have a genuine appreciation for this because they will likely have dealt mainly with other more superficial motivations.


Do it Anyway

Within the first two years of starting working, I once asked one of my mentors who is a very successful Partner in London, what if we keep doing the right thing and helping others but they don't reciprocate in this way back, and exploit your helping them. He said, keep helping them and keep helping people. I said that it's not really worth it though. He said, it doesn't matter, it's the right thing to do. Of course, the Partner was exceptional at what he did but where he got a chance he would always help people. This has long stayed with me and I can say with all confidence it works, even when you help seemingly extremely ungrateful people. There is an inherent power locked within doing the right thing. When we see needs and wants within such personal context of doing what's right, with the proper treatment of people, which doesn't mean just being nice all the time, but also the appropriate disciplining where required, then we will feel more fulfilled and break a satisfying balance in life and work. To conclude this peice, the poem called "Anyway" by Mother Teresa is a wonderful offering.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.